Yeah, I suck at updating this during a schoolyear.......it's just I've had NO time this week.....

Hi, I'm Brian, I'm an aries, and according to Cosmopolitian, my next lust day is the 26th.

School rocks this year, thus far. I'm still getting used to it....I still have that "new" feeling going, and I hope it sticks....

Anyways, so, my schedule...

1) Chemistry with Ms. Turner. She's so weird. She seems incredibly serious, yet almost everything she says is a joke, or a sarcastic comment. It's insane...

2) Scene Design / Stage Lighting (broken up into semesters) with Mr. Newsom. MS. HOBSON'S GONE! I'm glad that it was easy to change out of Acting into this....I didn't sign up for any Tech classes because of Ms. Hobson, but Mr. Newsom has been working in production for what sounds like about 30 YEARS! He KNOWS what he's doing...I will LEARN...thank the Lord....

3) PreCalculus / Trigonometry (broken into semesters) with Mr. Roberson. He thinks like me, as far as math goes. Simplifies stuff easily, attempts not to use superfluous math. I think I'll learn....or something...but, yes, I think I'll do good here....

4) Advanced Placement U.S. History with Ms. Anglin. She seems very cool. Much better than Mr. Henley. Especially for an AP class. We might actually PASS THE EXAM! And, she's all about us understanding ourselves, even before understanding History. Studying our prejudices and such. Quite cool...

5) Art II with Ms. Poole. The woman's insane....but, hopefully, since it's mostly just a studio class, I'll be fine....easy grade, I hope...

6) Photography / Digital Art (broken into semesters) with Ms. DiSorbo. She's SO cool. And this class is going to be so much fun, I've already learned stuff.....awesomeness....

7) English III Honors with Miz Scott. She's an AWESOME, perfect product of the '60s....she's also very smart and actually knows how to teach...this will be fun....

Lunch this year is during 4th, and I have first lunch. Kind of apathetic about lunch this year.....sitting with Jeremy and Winkowski at the moment....

I am an upperclassmen....it's such a weird feeling. All these freshman running around, almost timid at my loudness as I sing Beatles down the hallway, heh.....

But, yes, I feel so weird.....I have no classes with freshman, and I only know, like, two so far.....it's a very interesting feeling....

Schyler's artwork was displayed in the lobby, and some parent took offense to it. It was on the news.

Do these parents not realize this is an ARTS SCHOOL? That it's about creativity in whatever manner?

The parent is "taking it to the school board." Wow... this is so stupid. The school board is made up of a bunch of uptight losers, though, so they very well MIGHT side with the parents.....oy.....but, Schyler and Joey have already planned a rebuttal piece...from what Schyler told me, it'll be very nice....

Speaking of Joey, I'd really like to have a conversation with him. He modeled in Art the other day, and was talking to the other model, Alyse (sp?) and was talking about religion and lucid dreams and astral projection and so forth.....stuff that I'm very interested in....

Last night, I went to the Muse to see a few bands at this Green Party benefit.... I felt BAD last night, I was running on so LITTLE sleep from the past WEEK.....hopefully I wasn't a jerk or anything...I dunno. I saw GOOD bands, including FSN, whose singer has an amazing voice....it's scream-rock at times, but, it's SO much better than normal scream-rock ever is.....it's like a primal RELEASE rather than a violent outburst....they obviously had very well crafted music, with many influences....got their demo, good stuff, VERY good stuff....the singer's so shy too, she was like crying when we were complimenting her after the show. That's brownie points, she's a GOOD person....

There is a new version of "He-Man and the Masters of the Universe." So weird... like, I never saw the original cartoon; it's just a pop culture staple, so seeing this is so odd....

Alright, I need to go watch TV, and read the first chapter in my AP U.S. History text....

 

I've got a long way to go, but I'm on the right track.

Peace and love.

*waves to people who have more than likely abandoned his weblog*

Hey everybody.

Last week was camp, and this week I've just been thinking too much to write down anything coherent.

My website's coming along fairly spiff-ily. I'm convinced it will be pointless, but I have a love of graphic design (I'm glad I forced myself to take Digital Art this school year) and, if nothing else, the DESIGN is KICKIN'....

School starts on a Monday. They evidently want to PROVE to us how much they don't care what we think....grr....

Pedro Garcia (the School Director here) should get a HARD flick in the ear by each and every single student in Metro. My personal opinion. This Monday thing is not the only stupid stuff he's pulled... "(paraphrasing) Nashville School of the Arts being downtown? Near TPAC and the art museum, centers of the arts in Nashville? No way! That'd be TOO OBVIOUS, we can't do that!" Grr....

So, camp was amazing. I can't get over my feeling that it hasn't ended, that this is a dream, and that I will awaken in my bunk eventually. It's SO weird. I love camp so much. I can't even express how much I love it without repeating myself over and over again, so I'll stop now....

I have so much circulating through my head right now. I'm trying to organize this. But, it's not working. My apologies.

This weekend will be fun. Going to go to King's Island with the youth group.

Morgan's going. I'm convinced SOMETHING is possible with Morgan. Actually, no, everyone is TELLING me something is possible, and I'd love for something to happen, so I'm siding with them, heh. So, I want to be around her as much as possible this weekend. But, if I HANG on her BLINDLY, I become her little slave, and there are OTHER people on the trip I want to hang out with....bah....find a balance, find a balance....

I'm happy with myself though -- I'm really not OBSESSING over her and turning her into an unobtainable goal that I'm afraid to get close to, like I did with...oh....EVERY GIRL EVER! (Amanda N. and Emily especially, the latter of which I'm sure I've screwed up any chance of even being FRIENDS with after being too scared of embarrassment to the point where I'm sure it seemed I was purposely IGNORING her) I'm being incredibly flirtatious with Morgan, even aggressive a bit -- not, like "C'mere, baby!", but, I'm touching her and flirting quite a bit so that she KNOWS I'm there and that I'm obviously attracted to her -- and, like, if nothing else, this is helping me come out of my scared-of-girls phase. Phase? Hah, try LIFE....

But, like, WOULD she want me over Kyle? Is she ACTUALLY into me? I have no clue. People who have WITNESSED this stuff have said so, Parham thinks so, Wade thinks it's quite possible, and, like, Tanya calls her MY girlfriend...and, girls I've talked to about it have said it seems that she does...but, I mean...

Bah. But, like I said, I'm NOT being the timid little idiot boy, nor am I scared of her. Nor will I play the puppy dog that follows her around everywhere and does what she wants. Well, okay, maybe a LITTLE bit of the puppy dog, but hopefully not much....I hope.....

I need to get to a point where I can talk to her WITHOUT KYLE. There's only been one real time where I have, and that was the "Hey, sexy!" hug (that's a good sign, right? Or something?)....but, talking to her alone would be the only way to see if she's ACTUALLY into me, you know?

Heh....

So, the youth group (including myself) went to Brentwood passing out these mini-stands with pamphlets for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, and I walked into Pargo's, and there are these four VERY attractive young ladies standing behind the register....

---
Me, attempting to remember what I'm supposed to say: Hi, um, I'm with the, uh, Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, and I was just wondering if I could, uh, set one of these little displays up somewhere in her....

One of the girls: Sure.

(I set it up)

Another girl: Oh, but only if you give me that bracelet...

Me, smiling: Aww, I'm sorry, I can't do that.....

Girl: Aww, well, let me see it. (takes my arms and "studies the bracelet") Oo, that's very cool. Here, look at mine. (puts her arm out, flashes her bracelets)

Me, pretending to study it: Very nice... well, I'm sorry, I've got to go pass some more out, but, I'll come by and eat lunch some time!

Girl, somewhat giddy: Oh, you don't have to do THAT!

***

Me: So, uh, Wes, I think we should go eat at PARGO'S....
---

Females....you are all weird and confusing.....but SO much better looking....

Okay, so, walking from school to downtown is five miles. Should I do that? It'd help ALOT, like CRAZY....I mean, I've walked from West End to Bongo Java, in a VERY roundabout way, increasing the distance, and have been OKAY....if nothing else I can try.....or slowly build up to it.....something....hrm...

But, yes, I do feel the motivation to do SOMETHING. Internally, I've changed, abandoned baggage, so externally, I feel I need to change, abandon... baggage, heh. The way I work, exercise is MUCH more likely than a strict diet of any sort... And, besides, I've noticed, oddly, that when I exercise, I'm alot less likely to eat very much, anyway.....I guess the energy it takes to eat is no longer there, or something, heh...

Word up.

I'm so not looking forward to school. Not even just SCHOOL, the PEOPLE to. I feel so different....I doubt I will interact with them the same as I did last year....and, so, I'm scared that I'll alienate myself, and people will get annoyed, or something.....because, I mean, I feel SO much more myself at church than at school or downtown or anywhere else. I really think I'll avoid downtown, too -- too much smoking, too many people I don't REALLY like, too much crap that gets on my nerves. But, that's like the ONLY time I see Maggie, or Nathan, or Chris....bah.....

How do people find the balance of being constantly content in themselves without alienating themselves? SOMEONE explain that to me. I don't get it.

You know, it amazes me, though. I can look back to a year ago, and watch myself in that time growing, and SEE God's hand shaping me slowly. I really can. I didn't notice it at the time, but looking back.....it's SO obvious to me. The whole molding-clay metaphor is COMPLETELY accurate....

Alright.

That would be it. Maybe I'll, you know, actually POST REGULARLY from now on, heh....

Peace and love, good people!

I did want to leave something inspiring and such before I left for camp.....but I got zip, heh. So, you get the usual drivel! Whahoo!

So, I've been working rigorously (read: off and on) on my website design, and it's comign along QUITE nicely.... It's looking very cool, although I still need to know EXACTLY what I'm putting on there, and once that is done I need to work out the menus and such. I have a fairly spiffy brick background, with this metallic stuff coming in from the right, which looks like the Cable's techno-organic virus or something. Well, okay, I think it looks cool, anyway, heh....

I dislike election season so much. I don't understand why politicians can't just be honest and truthful, not attempting to prove the OTHER person is NOT right for the job, but trying to prove to you that THEY ARE right for the job. "This other candidate here is horrible. So, you have to vote for me, because while I'm also a big-headed snob, I'm not as bad as THAT guy." THAT is the message I get out of these commercials....

So, there is a guy running for Congress named... "Arriola." Ahem..... "areola: ... a color ring (as about the nipple ...)." Is that not HILARIOUS? I REALLY, REALLY want a campaign ad, where the opposing side is like "Do you really want your representative in Congress named after something not allowed to be shown on basic television?" Heh. I dare ANY politician to make that commercial. I'd TOTALLY vote for you if you did!

Yesh, yesh. Funny names, funny names....

Could someone please explain to me why I keep saying "O'tay"? It scares me IMMENSELY....

WEBE is TOMORROW, people. YOu have no idea how pumped I am. WEBE is just such a spiritual and FUN experience EVERY year....Like, if all year I coudl perpetually be at WEBE, I'd be in BLISS. Yes, WEBE is spectacular....I'm SO ready....

I still need a "story with a twist" for camp....the camp director wanted a few people to tell somewhat odd stories -- not SCARY ones, though -- with a twist... Hrm. Maybe I'll use that one where the turkey attacked the guy.....Hrm.....maybe NOT....heh....

So, while talking to Maggie, I realized that her nickname, "Magimus Jane," would be a GREAT band name.

Then, an even BETTER idea hit me.

Magimus Jane Encounters the Rain, a concept album about a agonizing loss of innocence, which soon shapes into a reasonable contentment in the new-found maturity. I can totally see the album cover now....a street corner as it's raining, the area turned completely grey by the rain washing away it's colors, and a young girl, turned away from the onlooker, wearily walking, her colors not completely faded, but slowly doing so....

The name in and of itself is perfect. It is close enough to a modern name to give it familiarity, yet "Magimus" seems so distant from modern names that it makes it very ethereal....so there is a distant, but not too familiar, connection between the listener and the main character, allowing an emotional connection to ensue without neccessarily finding familiarity to the situations.

I can totally hear stuff from it, too. A voice like Paul McCartney's, singing to a loose version of "When I'm 64".... "Magimus Jane, encountered the Rain, on a dreary day in June..." Throw in a little Flaming Lips-type mind-numbing music, mixed with Blackalicious' freshness and texture, with a few other ingredients and we've got BEAUTY....

This is TOTALLY a life goal now. To make the "Magimus Jane Encounters the Rain," an amazing conceptual piece.

Of course, after it, I will make no records. It shall be my triumphant last hurrah. (And introduction as well, probably.) I will say the band broke up. "But YOU were the only person IN the band, really!" "Yes. Your point?" Heh.

*adds "Magimus Jane Encounters the Rain" to nonexistant life-goals list*

Awesome....

Blackalicious' Blazing Arrow is QUICKLY climbing up my *nonexistant* favorite albums list. It is such an incredibly diverse album, yet is a pure hip-hop record through and through. Man, it's beautiful.

Oooh, the Flaming Lips have a new album.....mine soon! Yes, yes.

Alright then. That will be all for today. For a week, infact!

It's WEBE time! WHAHOO!

Ahem....my apologizes.

But...WEBE!!!

Heh....

Peace, love, and evolution.

This is being posted at midnight. Or somewhere thereabouts.

I went to Dancin' tonight. I was worrying about being able to get down there, but my mom ended up taking me, luckily traffic wasn't too bad.

Before I was even through the "security check," through which I could sneak a small BOMB -- guy felt my pants, said "What are these?" at the bulges in my pockets, I replied "My wallet, and that's my cellphone." and without making sure, he replied, "Okay." -- Maggie, Dan, Rachel, Ben (No, Ben doesn't smoke ANY pot whatsoever....haha.....), and Trad, etc. were YELLING at me, and after I'd passed through the check, Maggie HURLS herself at me and jumps on me. I don't think I've actually SEEN her in like...months, probably. Insane.

I saw a bunch of people, some I hadn't seen in forever.... saw Jesse, his new girlfriend (I think girlfriend) Julie, Corey from church, Tall Corey, Adena, Micah, Jordan, Adam Wilson, Ben Hailey, who glitterfied me, Cara -- the fellow Dave Matthews affectionado -- Caitlin from church (which surprised me a bit, because she lives in Brentwood....but, it IS a free concert....), even frickin' ALEXIS, who I haven't seen in a LONG time...

Saw Holly, and her new boyfriend. I could swear that he has a different name then the guy she was talking about, like, Tuesday. But, bah, I don't know...

Anyways, so, I found Seferiana (I'm gonna start calling Sera that. I think it's Spanish. Sounds incredibly cool.) and Angela, Nathan, Chris, and Daniel (who had a shirt that had "SPEPS" written across it...the story is long, but I belive it had something to do with him being high and seeing it spelled out on a dog's fur...or something....), and hung out mostly with them, along with Maggie, Dan, and Rachel.

I have this new shirt that I got, like, Wednesday night, that says "Enjoy Fresh Honey Dews." and it has this picture of this truckload of honey dew melons, and then it says "Honey do this. Honey do that." Everyone thought it fit me. The whole horribly bad pun thing, I suppose, heh. This is quickly crawling up my list of favorite shirts.

The band right before Sister Hazel (their name escapes me) was actually very good.....as was Sister Hazel, of course. Most of the night I was talking to people, but when I did pay close attention to the music, it was quite good indeed.....

After Dancin', Chris was giving many people a ride, so we all headed over to Sbarro's to chill out for a while....Maggie stole toilet paper from the Men's Room....well, she got somebody to get it, but, I mean, really, same thing....

As we were walking to the bus stop where Chris' mom was going to pick us up, Nathan and Chris grabbed a City Paper vendor off the sidewalk, and were going to put it in the trash, or put the trash can on top of it, or something, but it wouldnt work so they just blocked this store's door with them.....Believe me, it was frickin' HILARIOUS at the time......Nathan smelled like trash the rest of the night from messing with the trashcan.

Then, Nathan, me, Rachel and Maggie piled into Chris' mom's car, Maggie and Rachel in the big space in the back and Nathan across from me attempting to not rub the trash smell off on anyone.....quite a funny ride home indeed....

Got home and watched Weezer on Letterman. Pretty good song. Tempted to buy their new one now....

WEBE is in ONE DAY, essentially.

Yesh, yesh.

Peace and love!

G'day, sirs and madames. Welcome to the show.

I hung out at church today. We were going to go sing to and play Bingo with the elderly, but Joe Simpson "borrowed" -- though WE HAD RESERVED IT -- the bus, and thus, we couldn't use it. So we played pool and went to Cool Springs Mall. Yes, yes.

I enjoy them chil'ns from church muchly. Everybody is WEIRD.....even, like, incredibly normal-looking, intelligent Allison will get INSANE if given the opportunity.....

Yes, yes. Oddness abounds in my youth group....

Shall be going to Dancin' tonight. Amanda shall be there, and Sister Hazel is playing. Besides, I don't DO anything non-church-related on a normal basis otherwise. And I WILL be at camp next week...

That is, if I can get a ride to Dancin', heh.

Yes, yes, y'all.

I'm a weird kid. Information you didn't know? I doubt that considerably!

Camp WEBE is in THREE DAYS!

Awesome......muchly looking forward to it.....

The brianschroeder.com layout is coming along nicely. I think it'll be cool. It's very small.....might make it bigger....might not....*scratches chin ponderfully* Who knows? But, I think I have some ideas for content....

And, with that......

Peace and love, hooligans!

"You Never Know" by the Dave Matthews Band, off Busted Stuff

Sitting still as stone watching
Watching people walking by you wondering why
No one ever stops to talk or thinks about it
If they ever did

What if God shuffled by?
One day, we might see
Doing not a thing
Breathing just to breathe
We might find some reason

But rushing around seems what’s wrong with the world
Don’t lose the dreams inside your head
They’ll only be there til you’re dead
Dream...

Lying on the roof
Counting the stars that fill the sky
I wonder if someone in the heavens looking back down on me
I’ll never know
So much space to believe

Funny when you’re small
The moon follows the car
There’s no one but you, see
Hey, the moon is chasing me

I worried if I looked away she’d be gone
Don’t lose the dreams inside your head
They’ll only be there til you’re dead
Dream . . .

Walking through the wood
No cares in the world
The world has come to play
She’s all mine just for a day

There’s not a moment to lose in the game
Don’t let the troubles in your head
Steal too much time you’ll soon be dead
So play . . .

All fall down
It won’t be so long now
Out of the darkness comes light like a flash
You think you can you think you can
Sometimes that is the problem
Dream, little darling
Dream . . .

Spinning on the wind
The leaf fell from the limb

But everyday should be a good day to die
Oh . . .
All fall down
It won’t be too long now
Every fire dies
I find it hard to explain how I got here
I think I can I think I can
Then again I will falter
Dream, little darling
Dream . . .

Spinning on the wind
The leaf fell from the limb

---

That is all.

Peace, love . . . and Czechoslovakia.

For some reason my entry from Sunday is showing up as an entry from Monday, and it is impossible to fix that....bah, annoying.

So, yes, good day, comrades.

I've been working on my layout for *drum roll* BRIANSCHROEDER.COM!

Wow, how can you not sound egotistical saying "My website's URL is.... MY NAME!"

Haha....

I've had the TV on PBS the ENTIRE DAY. So, I'm currently watching this thing about the (real) ER. It's interesting. Sad, though. Very sad. Kids getting shaken, kids with AIDS.....uncool....

And, going with the whole PBS thing, I'd like to stress that "Teletubbies" is SCARY AND WRONG. They spent an ENTIRE EPISODE on what the difference between UP and DOWN are.....

An ENTIRE EPISODE.

That's just....unneeded. It was just this WEIRD, WEIRD thing....

And the Teletubbies BARELY speak English. I mean, how is this teaching kids ANYTHING?

Heh. I like "Sesame Street." It has evolved. It evolves with pop culture. It's different than I remember. Which is good. It's up-to-date with the kids today. I DEFINITELY respect their teaching of Spanish. That's a really good thing, since a huge population of people in the U.S. speak primarily Spanish.

But, one thing.....Grover? Where's Grover? He's barely in ANYTHING.....Bert too! Where's the cynical muppet, huh? Kids have GOT to learn cynicism SOMEWHERE. If not from Sesame Street, than where?

"Zoom" is also a VERY good show. These kids can actually act, and are actually funny....unlike some of the All That cast members....

But...."Barney." That needs to be shot. Just -- BAM! Gone.

And, "Tahra Time"? What is this? New age kid's show. It just seems so wrong somehow....I expect her to bust out with "Now, call our psychic number, kids, to find out if you'll get an A....."

Kid's television is going down the tubes. There used to be QUALITY SHOWS ON SATURDAY MORNING. Now what? Barely anything decent. I want my Ninja Turtles back!

Aww well. The Disney program has quality shows. "Even Stevens" is one of the best shows on television right now, methinks.

That is all. Just thought I'd get that out of my system.

Peace and love!

I realized how much I've changed ... in a little over a year.

It's insane.

I've gotten to the point where I can tell people I used to want to please so badly how much I think they are screwing up.

I would have never done that a year ago.

I don't even know if any of this is incredibly noticeable otuside myself. But I notice it.

Over a year ago, I barely liked going to church. Now I'm at like every youth group event, I go to church three times a week, and I LIKE doing it. Over a year ago, I had dreaded having to deal with the "little preppy Lipscomb kids" that are in the youth group with me, and now I'm totally cool with them.

Heck, in 1999, I purposely skipped WEBE. I just didn't want to go. Now I dread ever having to stop going.

I'm so much more certain of exactly what I believe. And I can explain it to people without being overbearing about it, and without sounding weak about it. I'm comfortable with it, in my own mind, and so I can explain it to people without being defensive or offensive.

I mean, I used to not want to do drugs, alcohol, etc., because I was SCARED. Now it's because I KNOW that it's stupid, and that it really helps nothing, and I just see no point in doing it.

I'm no longer afraid of girls, or whatever. Or, that whole insecurity is deteriorating as we speak. Morgan is the prime example -- I never would have flirted as much as I did a year ago. She would have been too attractive for me to even try.

I feel a whole lot more comfortable with acting the way I feel. Embarrassment is less a concern for me now then it has ever been. I feel I can be more myself than I've ever been able to be.

This is totally a good thing. I'm incredibly happy right now. Like, my life is moving in the right direction, I think.

I cleaned my room last week. I don't think I mentioned that here. I have NEVER cleaned this room. There were PILES of JUNK. Now, it's all clear.

Symbolic action?

I think it was. I just got this urge to do it all the sudden, and I spent EIGHT HOURS doing it, until 1 in the morning Tuesday. I cleaned every inch of the room. Moved out my bed, the bunk bed......I was determined to clean it. To get it organized.

Maybe that's what's going on in my life right now. I'm taking the initiative to evolve. To clean up the gunk, to make sure my life is all good and together. Or something.

I dunno. Metaphors escape me. I stayed up until 3 last night, and I woke up today at like 2, and so my mind's not working correctly, I don't think.

Fine -- I'll just use the old stand-by:

I'm beginning to come out my cocoon, and becoming the butterfly I'm to become.

Yep. That's always a spiffy stand-by metaphor. I wish I could come up with a more creative one, but, it works just fine. Though, I don't really have the mental image of myself as a butterfly, haha....

Yes, yes.

Peace, love, harmony, and sanity.

So, yesterday (Saturday) morning, after the lock-in, everyone had left, and my mom was a bit late because when I called, she was asleep, so she had to wake up and take a shower and then come over. So, me and Wes had a really long conversation, about Jessica and Scott and gay-dom (homosexuality is such an annoying word, so I made up one) and how I feel about it -- that I see nothing inherently evil about it and thus there is no justification, in my mind, for saying it is wrong -- and while I'm sure he didn't fully agree, he could see my viewpoint, he understood what I was saying, and respected it. That conversation validated everything I thought about Wes, that he truly is a good person, who respects people. He's so much better than Matt, our last youth minister, ever was, at respecting the opinions of others. He is much better just in general, especially for OUR youth group.

Oh, and I finally found out (after quite a bit of speculation) that a close friend that I've known for a long time is indeed gay. I'm glad he felt comfortable enough to tell me. And, he said he is still a hardcore Christian. Which rocks. Takes a strong person to be both, and be comfortable with it. "I'm the biggest gay Christian there is!" Haha....that's a quote-worthy statement if I ever heard one....

Yawn.

So, Morgan's at camp this week, and then me and Kyle are at camp the next. So, two weeks until there is even the possibility of talking to her again. Hrm.

In complete and total honesty, without adding humor to soften it: though I understand that Morgan is currently in a relationship with Kyle, who is a good friend, and that their relationship seems to be going well and I would NOT want to jeopardize that.... I am incredibly attracted to her, and I would love to be in a relationship with her.

That's the truth, without the humorous padding about overanalyzation and such that is just there to depersonalize it.

Hrm. Why am I this attracted to her?

I find this whole thing incredibly odd, because I normally keep huge boundaries on guard -- especially with girls as attractive as Morgan -- so that I don't get so interested, or appear so interested, that I could get hurt (a habit I have got to shed).... but I didn't keep up a guard at all with her at the lock-in, other than being conscious of Kyle's prescence.... and I completely understood that it's totally logical to assume that this would go nowhere, because she's in a relationship with Kyle, yet I kept my guard down....Why?

And, for the record I did talk to Kyle, and, in a roundabout way, told him how I was intentially flirting with her like crazy (which he somehow seemed SURPRISED at, despite how OBVIOUS it was.....though, he WAS dozing off half the time) and to give me her phone number if they happen to split.... (appearing, of course, as best I could, to be half-joking) so, I'm not, like, keeping the attraction a secret from him. (Though I'm sure he doesn't quite get the degree to which I'm attracted to her.)

Sigh. Oh well. I shall see what happens, no? It all comes down to what she wants.

Yes indeed.

Camp WEBE is in a week! (July 28th to August 3rd) And YOU can send me mail!

Brian Schroeder
c/o Camp WEBE
Fall Creek Falls State Park
Youth Camp 2
Pikeville, TN 37367

Feel free to send some mail. It's always a trip to hear your name called at mail call. And, if you are going to send me mail, don't send it before, like, Friday this week, nor after Tuesday or Wednesday the week of camp. I'll more than likely not be there when it gets there otherwise, and I doubt it would end up getting to me, heh.

Alrighty, well, I shall be off now. Sleep is always good....

Peace and love!

Hey everybody!

My mom's decided to phase out AOL, so you should start sending any e-mail to me at brian(at)brianschroeder.com for the record. It's already changed on the links here on the weblog, I believe...

So, Thursday was Dancin' in the District, which I think was, like, Honky Tonk night or something. So I didn't actually listen to the music much. Lance and Holly came around for a bit, which was good, because I haven't seen them in forever. Mostly, I hung out with Jesse, Ben, Sera, Sophie, and Angela. Quite the fun bunch we were, heh.

Cappucino Granita = $3.75. 16 ounce Mello Yello can = $0.75. Singing random songs loudly on the abandoned bar outside Just Java = priceless.

So, anyways, fast forward to yesterday.

Met up with the youth group at 5, and we headed off to a Nashville Sounds game. I find baseball to be one of the most boring sports ever. But, they have these ODD mascots, that are just INCREDIBLY bizarre, like the caterpillar that got cut open, or something, and so they were the entertainment for me. The Sounds won, I believe.

So, we headed back to the church, for the lock-in. (staying all-night at church. Fun stuff.) Jessica got there not too long afterwards. That whole situation is insane. Her mom had evidently kicked her out of the house, but then, at some point, came to the lock-in and made her come home. I wish I had been around when that happened. Bah. I really won't get into it, because at this point I can't do anything but rant about how much Jess needs anything BUT that ...thing in her life.....

I really don't want to rant about it. Ranting about her situation doesn't help. So, then, anyways....

As we were playing German Spotlight, (the title of which is SO TWISTED AND WRONG, but it IS a fun game....) Kyle evidently left Morgan (the really attractive girl from the other night) and went with Julie to hide....gosh, dude's an IDIOT....and, so, I attempted to console Morgan as best I could without essentially hitting on her, because it was so incredibly tempting to do....

Evidently they patched things up. Which is good. Hate seeing girls cry.

Okay, so, I need a chick. I'm really over my 'soul searching phase' or whatever, where I took time out from girls so that I could understand myself better. I am really glad I took it, though. I definitely needed that time without one defining relationship. I grew alot, I'm alot more mature now, a bit more certain of who I am. Had I not done that, I would not be here. But, I came to the decision recently that I've done enough of that, that I've discovered as much about myself as I can alone, and now I wants me some ladies! Heh.

I flirted with Morgan ALL NIGHT, and I was so incredibly torn, because she's Kyle's chick -- or they're dating, anyway -- and Kyle is my friend, and I don't want to like fracture that, but . . . Morgan is really, really ...nice. Heh. Sure, that'll work. And, it's not like she didn't flirt back -- she called me sexy, cute, etc., and hugged me quite a bit. I could, of course, be reading too far into all of it, but I'm pretty sure she WASN'T flirting with Troy or Cory anywhere near how she was with me....I dunno....

Bah. So, this is a delicate situation. I DON'T want to screw Kyle over or go behind his back or whatever. But, Morgan is incredibly cool, incredibly sexy -- personality- and body-wise -- and if she wanted to go out, I'd be ALL for it. So, I was flirting with her like crazy, but attempting not to go too far for Kyle's sake....bah, I hate this situation.....

But, I mean, no joke.....let me explain two events IN PARTICULAR....the ones that stand out in my mind.....

First off.... Okay, Kyle was in the boys' sleeping room, or whatever, and Morgan had just come out of the girls'. I was in that hallway, and she comes up to me and says "Hey, sexy" and gives me a VERY nice hug. In fact, not too long after, Tanya (one of the Lifeguards -- the adults who chaperone stuff) was like "So, what's up with you and someone else's girlfriend? Making out in the hall?" It was THAT nice a hug, haha.

THEN, as she walked out the door of the church, she's like "Hey Brian! Bye!" then mouths "I love you." Now, here's the thing, right? -- and, of course, I could be overanalyzing, BUT... People say "I love you" to many people, but, they only "hide" it like what she did or whatever when they mean it more than just as friends. Right? I think?

*screams bloody murder* I HATE not knowing exactly what's going on inside people's heads. I want to be like "What do you think of me?" but that is SO not the way to deal with it....so, I'm just kind of aimlessly wondering about her at this point.....

Yes, I am a dork. But I'm GOOD at being a dork, my friend....

At the sunrise devotional, we kept making eye contact -- again, could be reading too much into stuff, but, I mean.....bah....

Her eyes are SO pretty.

....


Heh. Gosh, I'm a loser. Stop obsessing over other people's girls, Brian.....

Anyways.

Alright, so, now I'll go continue to overanalyze Morgan's actions. Heh.

Peace and love!

Sorry about not posting yesterday, I unexpectedly went bowling with some friends from church, and was out 'til midnight. (AFTER midnight actually. But -- shh! -- don't tell the cops that!)

So, last night there wasn't a youth group class, we were supposed to help with the kids that were at Vaction Bible School. But, I got there kind of late, and it had already started, so I went and chilled out in Wes' (Youth Minster) office with Troy, Wade, Kyle, and a girl named Morgan, who it seems Kyle's dating. Very attractive young lady, I must say.

Unfortunately, there were those long, thin balloons in there (the theme for VBS this year was a Big Top Circus) and so they automatically, in our little teenage brains, became male genitalia. It was kind of funny for a while, then it got old, heh...

Then, we wandered around, and I found Steve Parham. He's the director at Camp WEBE, (West End Bible Encampment, my church's week-long camp at Fall Creek Falls) and I wanted to talk to him about Scott coming to camp. Scott is Jessica's friend, who is not a Christian and is not "normal," and thus Steve essentially interrogated ("The Spanish Inquisition!" Because noone expects the Spanish Inquisition! ...heh...ah, Monty Python....) Jessica about Scott, and then had a LONG conversation with Scott himself. Evidently, Scott has made a very good impression on Steve, Steve thought he was very cool, and so it seems there will be no problem. Which is good. Without Zak, I think alot more people will be more willing to get to know and get along with Scott. Because, Zak had enough mouth going for both of them . . . .

Oh, and evidently, in the fall on Sunday nights, for the oyuth group at church they're going to have small "outreach groups" WITHIN the youth group, and Wes wanted me and Jessica (which, I would assume would include Jennifer, Kari, and such since they live by us...) to LEAD one. And he was like "Would you be willing to teach?" and I was like, "No." Not only because I HATE BEING FORCED INTO LEADERSHIP ROLES, but also because I'm too liberal-minded (which I find HYSTERICAL, because I'm really NOT that liberal) to teach Church of Christ prepared lessons. I wouldn't necessarily agree with everything, and I'd want to add EXTRA stuff.....so, yeah. And then Wes was like "Would JESSICA feel like teaching?" And I held back a laugh, because I KNOW she wouldn't... "No, I doubt she'd want to teach it." Then he evidently settled on: if WE brought people outside the youth group, (thus the whole "outreach group" thing) HE would teach it.

Hrm, I wonder where we'll have it, since MY apartment is OUT of the question, too small, and JESSICA'S house is out of the question.....'cause...yeah....and Wes lives in Antioch....hrm....

Anyways, so after that, let's see....Wes, Bull, Troy, Wade, Kyle, Morgan, Kari, Jennifer, Russell, Olivia, Eleanor, Reiga, Colombe, (she's French, yo! Sweetness...) and I went to Taco Bell/Pizza Hut Express (what kind of combination IS that? I KNOW they are owned by the same people, but so is KFC -- what next? KFC, Taco Bell, AND Pizza Hut in the smae place? Geeezz....) and people ate dinner, though I had gotten stuff at Burger King before church, so I just bummed a drink off Wade. Had an interesting conversation about Teletubbies with Colombe, which was hysterical, because she does the "Po!" thing perfectly.

So, yes, THEN some of us (Bull, Wade, Eleanor, Olivia, Colombe, Reiga, Kari, Jennifer, Russell, me) went bowling. Which I SUCK at. But Colombe is actually GOOD, even though it's only her, like, second time bowling. Bah. But, I did get a few spares, and a strike or two. But I never broke 80, heh.

Colombe tried to teach me French, but that didn't go well at all. I was speaking the Southern American version of French, heh, which doesn't work . . . .

So, yes, we played two games, in BOWLING SHOES WITHOUT SOCKS, which is DEFINITELY up there on the list of NASTIEST FEELINGS IN THE WORLD . . . blah . . . .

Then, Kari began to panic, because we weren't going to make it home before midnight -- Nashville minors have a midnight curfew on weekdays -- and she was all scared she'd get pulled over and have her license taken away. So we all finished up our game, and Kari BOLTED from Melrose Lanes, near 100 Oaks, to WEST NASHVILLE in TEN MINUTES -- which is FAST, yo. Heh. And I had to call her mom and be like "I'm SO sorry Mrs. Ewing, we JUST found out what time it was...." I REALLY need to get my permit, and my OWN car.

So, yes, that was my yesterday. Going to Dancin' in the District tonight, see people I haven't seen in a while, including Lance and Holly, who I don't believe I've seen since school let out....

Well then...

Peace and love!

My mom bought me the new Dave Matthews Band CD, Busted Stuff, when she dropped my dad off at work. So I've been listening to it all day.

After hearing it about seven times, I'd just like to say . . . .

BUY THIS ALBUM.

(*begins writing as a super music critic person, in hopes it'll get picked up by the Rage, at the advice of Jessica!*)

Many dedicated fans of the Dave Matthews Band know that their new album, Busted Stuff, released July 15th, has its roots elsewhere.

A year ago, many CD burners across the U.S. were busy churning away, after 12 tracks by the Dave Matthews Band, recorded for a follow-up to their 1998 album Before These Crowded Streets and subsequently abandoned, were leaked onto the internet. Taking to the popular title The Lillywhite Sessions, after the tracks' producer Steve Lillywhite, the tracks were written after Dave Matthews was faced with the death of two people close to him, prompting many of the lyrics to be dark and deal with the question of the uncertainty of death and diety. Many fans immediately favored these 12 tracks to the album released in their place, Everyday, produced and co-written by Glen Ballard, a much more pop-accessible album. Some fans called for an official release of the Lillywhite tracks, wanting the rest of the world to hear the music they fell in love with. It seems those calls have been answered.

Busted Stuff consists of 11 tracks, 9 of which are variants of tracks from the Lillywhite sessions. To be perfectly honest, I was one of the people who downloaded the Lillywhite tracks, and had fallen in love with it. Listening to it recently after hearing that their new album would consist of many of those songs, I just couldn't see HOW the band could improve the Lillywhite songs. Yet, listening to this album, it's very easy to see. The tracks on Busted Stuff are much more crisp than their predecessors, with the saxophone and violin playing a much greater role on many of the tracks, building up the Dave Matthews Band signature sound. Quite a few lyric changes have been made, most noteably on "Raven," the lyrics of which now bear no resemblance to their Lillywhite counterpart.

Kicking off Busted Stuff is the title track, about a woman who Dave can't help but want, even though he knows it can't last, and she'll leave him a broken man. Next comes "Grey Street," a energy-filled tear jerker which tackles a young woman, desperately praying in earnest to get away from her own depression, symbolized as the torturous Grey Street.

"Where Are You Going," the album's first single, the first track not from the Lillywhite sessions, is very noticeably written after the Septempter 11th, explaining that the singer has "no answers for you / I am no hero, oh that's for sure / But I do know one thing for sure / Is where you are, is where I belong." The next track is "You Never Know," the only other non-Lillywhite song, telling the listener "Don't lose your dreams inside your head / They'll only be there until you're dead," wondering upon the universe, the possibility of a creator, and recalling child-like thoughts of the moon chasing you.

"Captain" is a delightfully twisted love song, its narrator a tortured man who feels "there's a mutiny brewing inside of me." The next track is "Raven," telling the story of an event between a father and his son, told from at least three different points of view, all of which have conflicting details, making a confusing mesh. The listener is forced to create his own interpretation, as it is never clear exactly what happens, because, as Dave says, it's "nothing more than one point of view."


"Grace is Gone" is a beautiful take on the man in the bar who faces the loss of his love with the bottom of a beer glass. It seems simple enough, until it becomes more clear exactly how his love became lost: "I woke with you beside me / Your cold hand lay in mine." The following track, "Kit Kat Jam," which loses all lyrics it had on its Lillywhite recording, picks up the energy, becoming an awe-inspiring instrumental -- summed up at the end of the track after the band has finished, when Dave lets out an amazed, "Damn!"

"Digging a Ditch" gives the listener a breather after the fervorous "Kit Kat Jam," asking the listener to "run to your dreaming when you're alone," explaining how they will dig a ditch to end all their worries, presumably their grave. "Big Eyed Fish" tell three separate stories -- one of a fish who wishes to be a bird, one of a man who forces himself to stop breathing, and one of a monkey who leaves his home for the city -- all three characters tied together by their high hopes of the unknown, which lead them to death and misery. The grand finale is the haunting "Bartender," which places the singer between life and death, pleading with a diety in the form of a bartender to "fill my glass for me / With the wine you gave Jesus that set him free after / Three days in the ground."

Busted Stuff is a beautiful album, taking the listener on an almost hour-long journey through love, death, mourning, and contemplation. Some will say it is no replacement for the beloved Lillywhite recording, but I beg to differ. Busted Stuff certainly does its job as the band's finished product, appealing both to those who wish to think, and those who just want to listen to song awe-inspiring music.

(*end music critic-ness*)

Heh. That was fun.

Peace and tighty whities!

Okay, so the hippie server redirected any surfers outside the U.S. to PORN.

Let me repeat -- ANYONE who visited a site who lived in a FOREIGN COUNTRY was redirected to PORN.

So, yeah, the hippie server's a bunch of perverts, and I won't be using them.

How does www.brianschroeder.com sound, eh?

I found a reliable host that is willing to allow me have it for THIRTY-FIVE DOLLARS A YEAR. 35 bucks. That's cheap, guys. That's a week's allowance. I can deal with that.

So, yeah, I'm registering it soon, and I'll have 25 megabytes -- which is quite enough. Expect it soon! Heh.

"BRIANSCHROEDER.COM : So egotistical, his name's a domain!"

Heh. That's great. Spifferific.

So, yeah, and I can store anything there! This blog, a Nashville Journal Project webpage (anyone think of a better name? It's so bland...) -- why, even a Power Rangers fansite! Heh. Whahoo! :)

Snooch to the motherlovin' nooch!

Peace and love!

I found me a hippie web server! Nice, generous hippies, too! No ads! 50 megs! Holy crap!

Sorry about this horribly short and non-content entry, but I've been messing with this hippie server all day. Shall return tomorrow . . . perhaps with a new URL for y'all! I just need to check around the internet to see if there are any major drawbacks to the server . . . it sounds like there MIGHT be one bad one. But, like I said, I'll check, and decide tomorrow!

Peace and love!

So, I read some more of my book for school, Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison.

It's a good book. It's very much about racial issues, but it's universal, in that it can be applied to human interaction on a broad level.

Yes, yes. Good books make me happy. There's is so much crap nowadays (The Backstreet Boys: The REAL Story from Their Former Girlfriends!) in pop culture that it's really refreshing to read a good book, hear good music, see a good movie, a good TV show, etc.

Oh, and now I want to be one of those guys that knows everything he possibily could about computers' inner workings and such. Because it seems like fun. To be able to now how everything works ... yes, quite fun. I see computer technicians as essentially the same thing as car mechanics -- they intimately know how their respective object works and how to fix its problems. Yet, they are treated and thought of as completely different. Odd, ain't it?

So, yes, I've realized that my thoughts are incredibly hard to verbalize. Not sure why -- I don't THINK visually -- I can come up with awesome visuals in my head, but my thoughts are not all instinctively visual -- and so I would initially say I would obviously think verbally ... but, it seems I don't, because it is incredibly hard to transfer my thoughts to words/paper. Like, theological stuff, that is so incredibly cool in my head, sounds STUPID when I attempt to utter it. Or something.

I want to try to get a Ph.D. and write a dissertation on the similarities between The Lord of the Rings and the song lyrics of Aerosmith. Just to try to get away with it. Of course, I don't know what I'd be getting my Ph.D. IN to be able to write that . . . hmm . . . .

So, I registered with this webspace provider (all I have up there is the template for this weblog) that gives me 100 megs free (alot) -- but there are ads. And it's not like it's JUST a banner . . . there are random pop-ups, and there is this one ad for a psychic network that, when the page has loaded, puts this crystal ball right in the middle of the browser window, over YOUR CONTENT . . . and the banners change sizes, (or, at least, once when I loaded it it had TWO...bah....) so there's no way to design a site AROUND it, you'd have to do it under it. Which sucks majorly. WHY CAN'T THERE BE HIPPIE WEBSPACE PROVIDERS ONLINE THAT BELIEVE IN FREE LOVE AND WEBSPACE? WHY?

Bah.

Oh, and hey kids, FYI (that's "For Your Information" for the acronymn-inadequate):

Comics do not rot your brain. THEY ARE MOSTLY READ BY NERDS, PEOPLE!

Yes, yes.

Holy crap -- I just sneezed so hard that the inside of my cheeks are like burning now . . . Oww . . . .

Alright then.

Peace -- and good lovin'! (there ya go, Sera!)

Howdy y'all.

So, I really have nothing to say.

Because I'm incredibly tired.

Normally I'd make up a rant about something, but, I'm tired and my feet hurt. I was painting a woman's house with the youth group today, and I'm all tired....

So, yeah.

Wow. I'm actually not feeling like talking. How odd for me....

Yeah, so, I should go to sleep at some point before midnight tonight. Yes, yes.

Yawn.

Peace and love, y'all!

So, the Dave Matthews concert was last night at Amsouth Amphitheatre...

Great googaly moogaly!

I was at the very front of the lawn, up against the rail, and the FAR right -- like the I was at the corner when the rail starts going BACK. But, I could actually see everything except Carter, the drummer, but I caught glimpses of him rocking out on the viewscreen.

It was so, so, so beautiful! I was in this happy DMB trance for the concert ... two hippie chicks were in the back row of the pavilion (you know, the REAL seats) doing their hippie dances ... one of them was very attractive ... and it was so cool. The entire lawn was filled -- it was like half of Woodstock or something like that. Amazing when lighters came out, and there was just this sea of flames . . . .

It was so great. I saw Laurel Borden, three rows from the back of the pavilion, and Sarah Bullock was there ... but Ben Hailey was like right by where I was, so I talked to him ... about such wonderful topics as . . . dreading and/or cornrolling pubic hair and such. (Ben: "Jeez, man, is it NORMAL for me to think about these things?" Me: "No. No, not at all.") But he's cool.

North Mississippi All-Stars were the opener! They were GOOD, yo! I'd heard OF them before, but hadn't HEARD them ... Wow! A blues-y jam band -- that's a double plus!

Anyways, so, yes, I got the following setlist off alt.music.dave-matthews -- thank you obsessive fans! So, they played 17 beautiful songs. Specifically....

"The Stone" (from Before These Crowded Streets)

"Grey Street" (off the Lillywhite sessions and their new album Busted Stuff -- oooh boom diggity! I love ALL the stuff off the Lillywhite sessions)

"Crush" (from Before These Crowded Streets)

"Granny" (from Listener Supported -- Love! Baby! OOooohhhhh momma....so good and catchy and it gets you so into it.)

"Satellite" (from Under the Table and Dreaming)

"You Never Know" (off Busted Stuff)

"One Sweet World" (from Remember Two Things)

"Bartender" (off their new one, Busted Stuff, and the Lillywhite sessions -- again, awesome! I quote this so much....)

"I Did It" (from Everyday, and while on studio recording it's very pop -- still good but pop -- live, it's incredibly full of energy)

"Two Step" (from Crash, another great, great song that I love.)

"Loving Wings" (brand new one unreleased, that, honestly, I could barely hear. It's practically Dave solo, and a very soft song, and the DRUNK NASHVILLIANS WOULDN'T SHUT UP!)

"Where Are You Going?" (off Busted Stuff)

"When The World Ends" (from Everyday -- wha HA this song rocks. The best of Everyday.)

"Fool To Think" (from Everyday -- well, okay. This is a close second. And so's that other one. Bah.)

"Ants Marching" (from Under the Table and Dreaming, a CLASSIC, beautiful song.)

Encore:

"Gravedigger" (brand new one Dave's working on, that he did acoustically, and I was listening so closely and was so into it... it's a beautiful song....)

"Pantala Naga Pampa" into "Rapunzel" (from Before These Crowded Streets, a GREAT way to end.)

So, essentially, I was -- still am -- in BLISS, my dear friend, BLISS I tell you. It was so good ... and so MANY of those songs I LOVE.... Even just listening to a recording of them live doesn't account for how beautiful it is to actually see them. (Though, it's much harder to concentrate because of all these DRUNK NASHVILLIANS! heh. -- and, dude, I so tried to look up "drunk Nashvillian" at Google to have something to link to for that, 'cause it'd be funny, but got nothing!) They are such a GOOD band. And Dave's little jam dancin' ALONE is worth the money of the ticket, I tell ya that.

So, now, I am so enticed to buy every single one of their live albums that I don't have, more than ever .... and I want to save up money for next year's Winterfest and go to the music store that sells bootlegs in Gatlinburg and buy like EVERY ONE.....yep, yep....

So, yes, I was in complete ecstasy. It was awesome. Beautiful. Marvelous. Spectacular. FANTASTIC! MAGNIFICO!!

...

'Kay. Enough of that.

Go listen to some Dave Matthews.

Peace and....

Love!

Baby!

My God.

This whole situation scares me. Like, her entire living situation period. It's scary. I won't get into specifics, because it's her life, but .... God, it's scary.

I just wish there was some way to protect her, or something .... but it's her MOTHER. And you can't keep a minor from their mother without bringing about alot of legal chaos, that is also unneeded. She has a year left. She's 17, she can (hypothetically) move out next year. I hope to God.

I laugh about her mother, because it's hard to fathom. Like, my parents are so incredibly unabusive, physically and mentally, that I can't wrap my head around it. To have the kind of emotional crap that goes on with her family, the kind of mental abuse she endures, any physical actions taken with that abuse .... I can't BEGIN to understand. And so I laugh about her mother, because I don't know how to react. It's a horrifying situation, but her mother is this character .... this weird, scary character that makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I don't understand how she got like that -- HER mother, by all accounts, is a good woman. I don't understand how someone can gets like that, so set on destroying their children's lives.

I mean, the emotional and mental toll that stuff like that takes on kids is so immense. Therapy for the rest of their LIVES won't cure it. That's just ensuring they are fucked up, you know? Just making sure that they will be MORE miserable than you as an adult.

Bah.

Some people should be locked away. Not allowed to take care of children.

Sadly, of course, some people get carried away. The judgment on issues like that is so muddled.

I mean, last year, my brother's teacher called Social Services because Eric (he's autistic and in special ed, for any who don't know) had BROWN STREAKS in his underwear, and they thought it could be blood. We thought they were crazy, because, BROWN STREAKS in UNDERWEAR tend to be .... well, NOT blood. Then they had a social worker drop by our house, like they were saying "Do what we want or we'll take your children away," so we went to the doctor, and sure enough, they were simply streaks of crap! Then, of course, the next time my parents mentioned that, they were deemed hostile, and the social worker stopped by AGAIN, like they were saying "Point out our faults and we'll take your children away!"....

Bah.

People become too busy making sure everything is perfect that they miss the BIG things. So many kids seem "perfect," but are depressed. THAT's what you should be looking for. Self-destructive tendencies are KEY. People don't let people use them sexually if they are fully okay, people don't become alcoholics or drug users or anorexics because they just want to see. They do that stuff because they think it'll help them cope. And it doesn't, it just becomes another abusive relationship that they cling to as an escape from whatever other abusive relationship they have.

I just wish I could help people get out of that stuff. That's why I want to take Psychology and such .... I can figure out the CAUSE of bad behavior fairly easily, but I have no REMEDY.... "This is your problem, though I have no idea how to help you out of it. Good day!"


Well, then, I suppose I shall be off. Getting this entry done early because I doubt I'll be able to use the computer later since the Dave Matthews concert is tonight. (oh joy and rapture! STill need to find out if Nathan and/or Jessica are going....)

And I just saw an ad for the Goo Goo Dolls, who are coming September 2 ... Oooo ...

Peace and love!

So, I've decided to put together a list of the careers I would like to pursue -- listed in no particular order:

Teacher

Profesional Geek on "Beat the Geeks"

Comic strip cartoonist

Musician

Member of a band that merges all styles of music

Music critic

Actor

Music producer

Director

Game show host

Author

Playwright

Movie writer

Song writer

Hip-hop artist

Theological scholar

Composer

Comic book writer

Comic book editor

Comic book artist

"Power Rangers" story editor and/or show writer

Stand-up comedian

Political commentator

Editorial writer

Web Designer

Voice-over person (including cartoon voices)

Horror movie writer

Horror movie actor (preferrably the killer)

Philosopher, or its modern-day equivalent

Psychologist

"The Daily Show" host

Kevin Smith's successor

Owner or worker at a music store like in "High Fidelity"

That's only 32! Heh.

Love, peace, and chicken grease!

So, I've spent today in an attempt to find some free webspace. Some no-ad free webspace. Which is....nonexistant, it seems. AOL only offers a very little amount of space, and is incompatible with Blogger. I want to be able to have a website, and make this blog be a PART of that. But, I just need to find sufficient webspace to do it.

The internet is so commercial now, as everything becomes eventually. Everything has ads and pop-ups and such. It's so tiring.

Maybe I'll just give in and pay for some. It's not TOO expensive, if you just want space and not a domain name or something, but it's still money being taken from you. I really want a website, but I don't want to PAY for one, heh....

Ah well.

I'll try to look for more later/tomorrow, but I'll probably end up having to pay. And mom wants to phase out AOL, so I might need to get a new e-mail address (which is fine, since I get tons and tons of spam a day at my e-mail.)

Yep, yep.

The internet -- once the information superhighway, now the biggest marketplace in the world.

Bah. Commercialism sucks.

Peace and love to you.